Scared of coming home

It's my last full day in Kyoto. From here, I stay with friends at our headquarters, and then fly back to England. I am feeling sad today, and a bit scared of coming home, and want to express some of why I think that is.

I love being here. I feel sad to leave my friends' lives for the length of time I will be away - likely one-and-a-half years. Maybe they won't even be living in this region when I come back - so this life as I know it is soon gone. I also feel sad that my life will also move on loads and so when I come back, if my friends lives are much the same, I will be different to them. What's more, will I have to start all over again in learning Japanese vocabulary?!

I also feel frustrated that, although my friends and family in Britain will certainly realise I have moved countries, I don't think they may realise exactly what changes I will go through. For one, I will be very tired - packing up home is a huge thing, so I am not starting from an energetic position, or even from zero again, rather I am starting from minus-5. I also feel like a foreigner going to Britain - I can't quite remember how everything works - like renting a house, starting a mobile phone contract. I also can't quite remember how a group of young British people coming together inter-relate (although I don't think this will be such a problem, as I do have British team-mates here.) Furthermore for over two years here I have called people back home when I've felt like it - due to the time difference and my skype calling method; usually when other people call me I don't have my computer on. So this has created a self-controlled communication culture. I can see myself losing that control pretty fast on returning home!

What's more I am living in quite a private culture here, where spending time on your own is normal. But when I want to see someone, usually they are available at only two hours notice! In contrast in Britain, I will be staying with other people for my first two months, have little privacy in that, be seen as weird if I want to spend time by myself going places possibly, and if I do want to see some folk, probably have to book with them a couple of weeks in advance!

I may also surprise people if i use some funny turns of phrase in English, or say some Japanese words by mistake (I am really scared I will make some stupid mistakes and be laughed at my family - because in japan you do use funny turns of phrase in a Japanese-English kind of way).

So that's how I'm feeling. It's different to a holiday - my life is turning around again.