Early mornings

from Friday Feb 16th, written but not posted then:

Well today (Feb 16th) has been a little strange. It started at 3.30am, with the sound of a text message arriving from a certain Simon Jackman from church back home. Lovely to get, to hear about him playing in the snow with his son! (I need to keep the phone on as i use the alarm clock, but maybe i'll think otherwise!) As a result I was, well, awake. Nothing more I could do. The room was cold, my mind was whirring. So i thought I could go to the daily church prayer meeting, 5am. So I went (first time), but there was no-one there. I stood outside in the cold for 20 minutes, then walked around and about to Macdonalds near my school, and I knew I was early as even that was shut (its shuts between 3am and 6am only). I stood in the entrance hall of a block of flats, after seeing that the doors opened automatically when a delivery-man went in, and I felt pretty miserable truth be told. I was alone; in a foreign country; I knew what it felt like to be an international student. (And I really feel for those studying in england now - i'm sure it's much the same for them in 'my' country). But at 6am I was in, breakfast in one hand (Ko-san from my language school gave me all these money-off coupons for meals before 10.30am, great!), and Japanese course books in the other hand, for 3 hours of study before school started at 9am. I recognised the man who served me. He liked me, I think. He wanted to speak in English, he wanted to smile at me. It felt good. I even got a free coffee, not sure that is allowed. So today I have studied for 6 hours (3 very early, 3 in afternoon). I have also had lessons for 3.5 hours. And tonight I played football for a few hours too. There was a new English guy there - Daniel. He wants to meet up; his girlfriend wants some english & female friends. I am the one. So I expect we shall, once exams are over (last 2 days in Feb, 1st day on March). So I've been awake since 3.30am, and it's been a good day. Productive. Most of what has gone on in my mind is not recorded, as like I say below, its a waiting game, I dont yet know the answers, but the questions are growing fainter. People in the Bible encourage me. God encourages me. Here (below) is what I wrote in my noteback, while sitting in MacD's today:

'I feel like I'm in a waiting game. Except it is hard - not like a game - not like the video game-play Alex Garland's 'The Beach'; or maybe, sometimes. The nice man in McDonalds was a pleasure to meet with today, at the counter. He smiled; I need smiles. He wanted to speak my language. He wanted to bless me. I got a free coffee for the price of a hash brown (plus a hash brown).

I think of Beth in Albania, and I'm grateful for her. I think of Lin here; she tries to smile, even though inside her life is a worry - future, acceptance into a career art university, parents disapproval. She encourages me to keep going.'