Realising over time
Another secret for you. I remember when I was six, on the eve of my seventh birthday (or it might have been on the birthday itself), - I remember being in my room, and I cried and cried by myself and to myself. Why? Because I realised that I'd never be six again, and I did like being six! Call me a thinker at that age!
And I had something similar happen to me two weeks ago. My sister had sent me a thank you card for my Christmas presents to her and her partner (very well brought up to send one!) and she ended the card by saying: 'By the time you receive this card you will be 29!' And for some reason, on re-reading that phrase, I just cried and cried.
I cried with sadness that I was now 29 - so old! no longer was I a young thing. And I cried with, I don't know what, as I remembered my same sister sending a card home for me from university, welcoming me to be 10, and then 11 (and even putting a notice in our local paper to congratulate me on being 'Legs 11'). And I remember when I turned 13 and she sent me a card saying 'Now you are a teenager!' And all through those years when she would have been younger than I am now, she bought me such wonderful Christmas and birthday presents (I remember a rucksack from Millets especially, and a Rubics Magic!), and sent me regular postcards from university in Plymouth. And I realised, not only how I had grown up, but how wonderful she was, and is, and how I'd never really spent that time with her to appreciate her and come out of my own world and let her know that. But I've also got a wonderful friend who encouraged me to say that to her. So I just did, last week, in a postcard. I delayed posting this blog post til she'd got it.
I don't know why I cried so much about that, but I have, and I did again when I wrote this.
And I had something similar happen to me two weeks ago. My sister had sent me a thank you card for my Christmas presents to her and her partner (very well brought up to send one!) and she ended the card by saying: 'By the time you receive this card you will be 29!' And for some reason, on re-reading that phrase, I just cried and cried.
I cried with sadness that I was now 29 - so old! no longer was I a young thing. And I cried with, I don't know what, as I remembered my same sister sending a card home for me from university, welcoming me to be 10, and then 11 (and even putting a notice in our local paper to congratulate me on being 'Legs 11'). And I remember when I turned 13 and she sent me a card saying 'Now you are a teenager!' And all through those years when she would have been younger than I am now, she bought me such wonderful Christmas and birthday presents (I remember a rucksack from Millets especially, and a Rubics Magic!), and sent me regular postcards from university in Plymouth. And I realised, not only how I had grown up, but how wonderful she was, and is, and how I'd never really spent that time with her to appreciate her and come out of my own world and let her know that. But I've also got a wonderful friend who encouraged me to say that to her. So I just did, last week, in a postcard. I delayed posting this blog post til she'd got it.
I don't know why I cried so much about that, but I have, and I did again when I wrote this.
posted by Henrietta at
5:52 pm
1 Comments:
Dear Henri,
I think this is one of my favorite things that you've ever written. Its so real and true and full of love and life sorrow and childhood and growing up that happens before we know it. Isn't it cool how somethings just stay the same? Your sister still loves you, still sends you things, and nothing in the world will take away the childhood you shared with her. I feel the same way about my little sister. I was the one sending the cards and parcels and feeling the kind of love that hurts, for her. When a person recognises love even if it slowly sinks in over years - its a tear worthy thing - and I suppose its a little bit like people finally knowing the heart of Jesus. I'm sure I don't recognise yet the love some people have for me. I remember crying crying 18 years on over a love that I realised a boy had for me - and he held on to that love for about 8 or 9 years - and then he laid it down, and 9 years later I read his letters, listend to the tapes he made me - and I realised - he truely loved me and I had no eyes for him and I had no understanding of love - all I knew was myself. That boy promised me that he would come and find me and marry me when I was 13, and I think he would have if I had only had the maturity to open my heart to him. But I was a child and remained that way for years on. I think I am almost able to love now. When I cam
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Sunday, January 28, 2007
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