Phuf, it's too late!

I have a collection of thoughts, and it'd probably be best to wait til next week when exams are over and I have time to process them and think and write well, but I kind of have been waiting too long to have good internet access so I am being impatient and grabbing my chance tonight, before I sleep shortly!

So...COLLECTION OF HAPPENINGS AND RANDOM THOUGHTS...

the highlight today: meeting a nice south african girl. she lives on the corner just next to the footbridge near my house. i have seen it is a foreigners house, so today i said hello, after being asked by god to do that before but courage failing me, but after promising him, 'next time', last time! She was stood with the door open, stuffing her washing into the washing machine (no room for them in people's homes here, so many machines, like hers, sit outside.) i liked her; they always have cool music playing; its a bit like a travellers den. Reggae style, although different kinds of music. She also has a Japanese housemate.

My classsmates have been having problems, some with me, some unrelated. Heating issue with one, whose friendship I have enjoyed, so its been difficult to be honest. The verse 'try and live at peace with everyone as much as it is depends on you' is ringing in my head, and I am realsing how relevant these issues are when you are living in/out with other people. Its not just for our benefit either, but for His glorification. For Christians that don't experience these issues, it annoys me. It means some of us are putting in lots of investment and time with others, (and no-one's lives are going to be perfect, so that will bring problems I think), and some aren't. Another friend has real things going on. I mean, like things you normally only read about in strange ladies magazines, when you're sat in the doctors surgery. I feel like my head and life could be a total mess if I was really in her life, in her place, or hearing all the stories first hand. I'm pleased I'm not in that sense, (relief), and yet i feel sad she hasn't told me herself; I hear it all from another friend at a chinese restaurant. hmmpp. There is possiblity for Jesus to help her, indeed racidically, with very radical consequences. Yeh, I've never come across these issues before, but she has never met with Jesus before either. I remember a testimony a lady (Katie, before she was Lean!) shared in my church in Oxford once, about praying for a colleague at work who was really helped, and that makes me wonder. I also remember Jesus talking about different kinds of sickness though, ('this one only comes out through prayer'), so I guess I need to spend time seekig him first before i approach my friend with anything solid. It's an incredible opportunity, if I trust him and pray enough.

And i have been doing some things wrong. not everything - some things i am pretty well adjusted to about working and 'being' with asians, in Japan - but i make regular mistakes, probably daily. Sometimes I know, and can be lazy to make the effort to be 'right'. Like yesterday for example, i ate some lunch while walking down the street, but i knew that in japan, people dont really do that. It looks odd. But other times i just have no idea that something isn't right! Like I heard my friend was annoyed at how I did my kanji test. And because of that, i am feeling a bit out of place sometimes, even with taiwanese foreigners who are also foreign here. I am grateful to those people (like Elaine who I saw last weekend after my testimony) who offer me kind advice. We (new ones) need that, it's really good. At the same time, even when each person just makes one small comment, when there are quite a few people making small comments, it feels a bit bigger, like I am constantly disappointing people in some way and that they are struggling over. It's not so nice. It needs to be balanced I think with formal encouragement and praise, with someone 'in charge' to say that, say in a review with Martin, and I haven't got that; at least not at the moment due to timing etc.

Along with this, I have been feeling a bit the pressure between law and grace as christian family... unspoken law seems to pend harder (or maybe just as hard) on me than the spoken ones, as I dont know if I'm pleasing people or not, and there is a certain level of judgement going on I feel. Need to think about this some more - our responsibility versus our freedom in Christ, as His followers, and then live with that more happily.

I have another blog forming in my head, 'What is hard about being a missionary?' as this is a phrase I keep hearing (actually my own answer is not what you might expect from the question), but that can wait til after the tests hey :-)