Scores. (and no jokes about 'Scores on the door Miss Ford', from Bruce Forstyth) - it's got beyond that

Hi! I got my test results back, and for most of them I did fine, well even, to look on it brightly.

Especially the listening, not sure how I managed that, as I am usually better at active learning skills (writing and talking) then passive ones (reading and listening): but when you struggle to write, due to a new script, it changes things a bit! Saying that, it might be a fluke, (probably; my mock listening test the day before was a complete flunk), or, hey, it could be due to me trying to listen to Japanese radio every day since I bought one with my Christmas money, and also this past term I decided to watch a Japanese film every Friday afternoon for listening and culture-learning practice. (Although I switched to English ones for a few weeks for a treat, and then forgot about the original reason and stopped watching them altogether as I had all these imaginary eyes on me, from Britain, saying 'what are you doing? we're all hard at work, 9-5 on Friday, and you're watching a film in the library and it's not yet 5!' yes reader, I haven't got a TV in my room, so I watch some in the univeristy library with earphones on: sad!! My film and book blog therefore needs some new entries.)

But I failed two of the six tests - kanji and vocab - which is the major news, so I feeling rather down in the dumps about it all. From top to bottom then...

Listening: 78%
Grammar: 77%
Reading: 68%
Speaking: 66%
--- PASS MARK *60% ---
Vocabulary: 54%
Kanji: 48%

My predictions of my scores (before I did the tests) were quite different, I had written them down so I could remember them, and they had been: Grammer 80%, Vocabulary 80% (as I got 81% in my christmas test so I thought I was OK!), Speaking 75%, Reading 60%, Listening 55%, Kanji 45%. Three of them I did better than I had expected, three worse! I guess I thought I was better at speaking and vocab than I am! In fact the only ones that have improved since my Christmas tests are listening and kanji; and I guess yes, I've been putting speical effort into those. But still, the effort in kanji has not produced much of an improvement really. Hmph.

My teacher had a chat with me today about the options. It was kinda serious; that got me feeling heavy inside. I could re-take those two tests in the next week, and move up to the Intermediate level if I pass. Or, next semester I could re-take the basic level (but in a higher class), to consolidate my learning and go over the same kanji. She wants me to do that, but doesn't mind.

Peter, my language supervisor with my organisation here (a kind fellow), says perhaps I could do this latter choice. He was also being kind, but says it's good to really get the grounding in place. I agree, he's likely right. But with the time available, and hearing that after you stop full-time language study it's hard to progress further, I almost want to race through, to get as much as possible covered that I can then revise in my own time after this time. But he asked, 'why learn more if I am not really learning it?' 'why put myself under that stress and have holes in my learning which I dont have time to patch up?'

I think it hurts that I might have to retake as my Swiss classmate is really quite good. She started from scratch (which I didn't by any means); although her mum is Japanese ethinically, her mum can't speak Japanese (blame the Russians, they took over her island off the north coast in the war). And she's done really well; she's had her head down, aiming high, but she can speak accurately and well, and her grasp of the vocabulary is, wow, amazing. She doesn't yet have friends to practice with, but when she does, I think her work will show.

So, that's my news :-) I find it hard to imagine that someday I might be able to lead a discussion group with people aged 20-40, in Japanese. Now I wonder if it will actually be possible to be truthful. It's the first time I've wondered that. But that has been my aim, a discussion group of people wanting to investigate the story of Jesus, in a place like a trendy cafe, or a flat (like Yuki's one is what I picture) by the beach. I enjoy that and see that that kind of 'thing' will be useful for the work here. My other dream is just to be able to visit Japanese ladies in their homes here, and chat normally, and be helpful to them. I pray God gives me patience (always) and some miracle of understanding, not to pass exams, but to get real with people and be able to speak thier language about things that matter.